The Weight of the Thing

I feel like full disclosure is in order. I'm taking weight-loss supplements.

It seems odd to talk about trying to learn to love my body while I am trying to change it. I feel like it's because I'm trying to love my body that I'm trying to do better by it. I don't want to lose weight because I am trying to please someone else. I don't want to lose weight because I am trying to fit someone else's standards of what is correct or beautiful. I want to lose weight because I want to be able to run around with my kids without getting out of breath. I want to be able to hold my husband closer when we make love. I want to stave off medical conditions that are linked with obesity and run in my family.

I lost my grandfather to diabetes when I was 6. He was 49. My step-father (although not related to me) was taken by complications from diabetes at 51. My grandfather didn't get to see me grow up. My stepdad missed my littlest sister's high school graduation by only a few weeks. It's heartbreaking and I don't want my kids to have to go through that if I can help it. 

Weight is a tender issue for a lot of people. None of us ever seem to be at the "right" one. From the pictures you've seen of me so far, you can tell that I am overweight. Classified as obese, actually. Weight is one of the many hang-ups I've had about my body, but the truth of the matter is this:

I hated my body when I was thin too.

Is it possible to talk about accepting and loving your body while working to change it? I like to think so. My motivation now is not to change my body because I hate it, but because I am learning to love it and take care of it. I'm not starving myself. I'm not denying myself.

Exercise feels good. It's not a punishment. Body acceptance doesn't mean disregarding your health. It's about learning to love and care for yourself.

Care for yourself.

Think about someone you love very, very much. Your significant other, your children, your siblings, your friends... anyone you love. If they were sick, hurting, dying, and you had the power to step in and help, wouldn't you?

Now turn that inward.

Body acceptance is as much about mental health as physical health. Self-harm comes in many forms- over-eating, starving yourself, cutting yourself... the list goes on and on.

I'm not telling everyone (or anyone, for that matter) that you must diet or exercise or give up anything. The only thing you must do is love yourself. If loving yourself means taking better care of yourself, giving up harmful habits, or taking on new healthy ones, then so be it. Good for you.

Do what makes YOU happy.